“I do not belong in this town. I do not belong anywhere. I am constantly reminded by everyone I come into contact with. Friends are scarce nowadays. Things slipped through my fingers, without my control or knowledge. My phone use to always have a text, notification, or missed call from one of my good friends. So what is the point of having a cell phone that never rings? Simple, you get rid of it. If anyone really wanted to talk to me they would come find me, or come to my house to check on me. Nobody has in the past month since I beat my phone up with a hammer. That just shows how true my theory is.
People are always around me, talking at that, but never to me. Talking through me more or less. The greatest feeling in the world is when someone asks a question, you answer, and they look at you like you are stupid. They ask the question again, someone responds the same explanation you just gave, then the person that asks says “oh yeah! Thanks man!” So my answer was what? Invalid.. But why?
Why am I invisible all of a sudden? Because I go crazy with all of the stress recently? Maybe I am losing sleep, that may affect why my responses do not all make sense, to some extent, but not everything I say. Do I have a target on my back? One that says ‘ignore me’ It sure does feel like that..
So ya know what? I am done. I can not wait until Spring Break. My family is going to the Grand Canyon. I have always wanted to see it. And that will be the last thing I will see. If there is a barrier between the canyon and me, I am jumping it. I am going to walk to the edge of the canyon, look at all of its beauty. I am going to think of all the people in my school who drove me to do this. I am going to think of all the pros of doing this rather than the cons. I am going to take that extra step, and spiral into the canyon, forgetting my past for good. This is the answer. This will solve all of my problems and nobody can stop me.”
I found this is my best friends journal the week after Spring Break. I never realized that she felt that way. I did not attempt to talk to her. We faded away. I wish I could have done something, which kills me even more because I could have… I could have saved my friend from her suicide, I should have, but its too late, and now I will always live with that tremendous weight on my back.
People are always around me, talking at that, but never to me. Talking through me more or less. The greatest feeling in the world is when someone asks a question, you answer, and they look at you like you are stupid. They ask the question again, someone responds the same explanation you just gave, then the person that asks says “oh yeah! Thanks man!” So my answer was what? Invalid.. But why?
Why am I invisible all of a sudden? Because I go crazy with all of the stress recently? Maybe I am losing sleep, that may affect why my responses do not all make sense, to some extent, but not everything I say. Do I have a target on my back? One that says ‘ignore me’ It sure does feel like that..
So ya know what? I am done. I can not wait until Spring Break. My family is going to the Grand Canyon. I have always wanted to see it. And that will be the last thing I will see. If there is a barrier between the canyon and me, I am jumping it. I am going to walk to the edge of the canyon, look at all of its beauty. I am going to think of all the people in my school who drove me to do this. I am going to think of all the pros of doing this rather than the cons. I am going to take that extra step, and spiral into the canyon, forgetting my past for good. This is the answer. This will solve all of my problems and nobody can stop me.”
I found this is my best friends journal the week after Spring Break. I never realized that she felt that way. I did not attempt to talk to her. We faded away. I wish I could have done something, which kills me even more because I could have… I could have saved my friend from her suicide, I should have, but its too late, and now I will always live with that tremendous weight on my back.
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